S03:E18 - Anthony Eftimeo | “Ally Is a Verb”: Parenting, Coming Out & PFLAG Support

Anthony Eftimeo on LGBTQ+ Allyship, Parenting & PFLAG Family Support

How can parents better support LGBTQ+ children, and what does being an LGBTQ+ ally actually require?

In this episode of Fathernetics, Jameel Mayers talks with Anthony Eftimeo, Vice President of PFLAG Los Angeles, about LGBTQ+ parenting, coming out, allyship, pronouns, family acceptance, and the support available to parents navigating these conversations for the first time.

Anthony shares his own coming-out story and how strong family support shaped his path into LGBTQ+ advocacy. From his early work supporting LGBTQ+ students at Arizona State University to his leadership with PFLAG Los Angeles, Anthony has spent years helping families move from uncertainty toward greater understanding and connection.

The conversation explores what parents can do when a child comes out as gay or trans, including finding trusted LGBTQ+ resources, learning correct names and pronouns, asking questions, and giving themselves room to learn while continuing to support their child.

Anthony also explains why “ally” is something you demonstrate through action. Jameel and Anthony discuss bullying, social media, religion and culture, Spanish-language LGBTQ+ resources, gender-neutral language, inclusive spaces, and the difference between good intentions and the impact our actions have on other people.

They also get personal about parenthood itself, including adoption, IVF, surrogacy, and the realization that there may never be a perfect moment to become a parent.

KEY TOPICS

• How parents can support an LGBTQ+ child after coming out

• What LGBTQ+ allyship looks like in everyday life

• PFLAG resources and support groups for parents and families

• Supporting gay and trans youth

• Names, pronouns, and gender-neutral language

• Family acceptance and the coming-out process

• Religion, culture, and LGBTQ+ family conversations

• Spanish-language LGBTQ+ family support

• Bullying, social media, and LGBTQ+ youth

• Adoption, IVF, surrogacy, and becoming a parent

• Creating inclusive spaces for LGBTQ+ people

• Turning allyship into meaningful action

TIMESTAMPS

00:00 – Generational humor, old songs, and being the “oldest” in the room

00:58 – Meet Anthony Eftimeo of PFLAG Los Angeles

02:17 – Growing up between Mexico and the western U.S.

02:50 – Childhood in Hawaii and island culture

04:41 – Marriage, community, and dodgeball

05:35 – Parenthood, adoption, and finding the “right” time

08:51 – LGBTQ+ advocacy at Arizona State University

10:16 – From theater to psychology

12:12 – The importance of family support

15:44 – Creating an LGBTQ+ support group at ASU

17:05 – Anthony’s early advocacy work

20:45 – Moving to Los Angeles

21:51 – Anti-bias education and bullying prevention

23:36 – Social media, bullying, and LGBTQ+ youth

25:21 – Why “ally” is a verb

29:30 – How PFLAG supports parents and allies

31:17 – What to do when your child comes out

32:00 – Spanish-language support, religion, and culture

34:35 – LGBTQ+ resources for parents beginning their journey

35:32 – Moving from support toward active allyship

40:21 – Family reactions and coming out

42:14 – Anthony’s personal coming-out story

45:09 – What losing family connection can mean

46:18 – Kids, pronouns, and generational change

49:00 – Using gender-neutral language naturally

50:52 – Gender-neutral bathrooms and inclusive spaces

54:18 – How LGBTQ+ conversations are changing

56:33 – Finding support through PFLAG Los Angeles

57:28 – Leading with love

NOTABLE QUOTES

“Ally is a verb. It’s what you do.”

“Impact is always gonna override the intention.”

“We lead with love.”

RESOURCES & TAKEAWAYS

Parents do not have to understand everything immediately. Finding a support community can provide room to learn, ask questions, understand LGBTQ+ terminology, and hear from families who have already navigated similar experiences.

Use the names and pronouns people ask you to use. Treat them as part of everyday respect.

Allyship becomes meaningful through action: how you speak, how you respond when someone needs support, and whether you are willing to show that support publicly and privately.

For parents whose child has recently come out as LGBTQ+, organizations such as PFLAG can provide education, support groups, community connections, and resources for the entire family.

ABOUT FATHERNETICS

Fathernetics is an LGBTQ+ parenting podcast sharing queer dad stories and conversations about gay fatherhood, adoption, surrogacy, IVF, foster care, family building, parenting, and the people helping LGBTQ+ families thrive.

#Fathernetics #LGBTQParenting #PFLAG #LGBTQFamilies #GayDads